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Unnatural Laws

Have you ever received a phone call the minute you stepped outside your door? Has the bus you were waiting for ever appeared from behind a parked truck the instant you light up a cigarette? Certain astute individuals have noticed that such events are not the exception but, rather, the rule. Men like Murphy, Peter and Parkinson have made it their life work to ferret out the operating principles - the laws that govern the frustrating lives that we mortals live. Here is a small sampling of these laws.

Murphy's Law

If anything can go wrong, it will.

If anything can't go wrong, it will go wrong.

If anything can't go wrong on its own, someone will make it go wrong.

O'Tool's Commentary on Murphy's Law

Murphy was an optimist.

Murphy's Law for Engineers:

The more innocuous a design change appears, the further will its influence extend.

Any error that can creep in, will. It will be in the direction that will do most damage to the calculation.

A transister protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.

Murphy's Law for Electricians:

Any wire cut to length will be too short.

The Unspeakable Law

As soon as you mention something ....

... if it's good, it goes away

... if it's bad, it happens.

Nonreciprocal Laws of Expectations

Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.

Howe's Law

Every man has a scheme that will not work.

Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving Systems Dynamics

Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.

Etorre's Observation

The other line moves faster.

DeVrie's Dilemma:

If you hit two typewriter keys simultaneously, the one you don't want to hit the paper does.

Skinner's Constant (Flanagan's Finagling Factor)

That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have got.

Murphy's Law of Selective Gravity

An object will fall so as to do the most damage.

Hofstadter's Law:

Everything takes longer than you think it will, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Corollary to Hofstadter's Law:

Everything takes longer than you think it will, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law

Jenning's Corollary to Murphy's Law of Selective Gravity

The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

Gordon's First Law

If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.

Maier's Law

If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

Hoare's Law of Large Problems

Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

Boren's First Law

When in doubt, mumble.

The Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences

Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Barth's Distinction

There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't

Segal's Law

A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.

The Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules

The first 90 % of the task takes 90 % of the time, and the last 10 % takes the other 90 %

Farber's Fourth Law

Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.

Cole's Law

Chopped cabbage.