10. Valu-Jet - Only our stock prices fall faster than our planes.
9. Save 35% on your next jetliner crash of equal or lesser value.
8. Our flight insurance is 50 cents on the dollar. You pay a dollar and you get 50 cents worth.
7. Don't worry!...Terrorists are afraid to fly Valu-Jet!
6. Valu-Jet...Soon to be landing on a street near you.
5. Enjoy the in-flight movie.....in the plane next to you.
4. Join our frequent near-miss program
3. Valu-Jet....Find out if there really is a God.
2. Valu-Jet....Just think of us as Amtrak with wings.
1. Valu-Jet pilots learn to fly twice as fast as Delta pilots. (Mainly cause they don't have to learn how to land.)
TOP TEN REASONS HOCKEY IS BETTER THAN SEX
10. It's legal to play hockey professionally.
9. The puck is always hard.
8. Protective equipment is reusable and you don't even have to wash it.
7. It lasts a full hour.
6. You know you're finished when the buzzer sounds.
5. Your parents cheer when you score.
4. Periods only last 20 minutes.
3. You can count on it at least twice a week.
2. You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
1. A two-on-one or three-on-one is not uncommon.
Top Ten New Slogans For Delta Airlines
10. We're Amtrak with wings.
9. Join our frequent Near-Miss program.
8. Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
7. Noisy engines? We'll turn 'em off!
6. Complimentary Champagne during free-fall.
5. Enjoy the In-Flight movie on the plane next to you.
4. Your kids will love our inflatable slides!
3. Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
2. Our pilots are terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
1. We might land on your street!
Dirty Minded Star Wars Fans
Top 10 sex lines from each film.
10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"
9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
8. Put that thing away before you get us all killed."
7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
6. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
4. "Sorry about the mess..."
3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
From The Empire Strikes Back
10. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."
9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
7. "But now we must eat. Cum, good food, cumm..."
6. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
5. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
4. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?"
3. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
2. "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"
1. "Control, control! You must learn control!"
Return of the Jedi
10. "I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master." (Emperor)
9. "You're a jittery little thing, aren't you?" (Leia)
8. "Someone must've told them about my little maneuver at the battle Taanab." (Lando)
7. "There is good in him, I've felt it." (Luke)
6. "If I told you half the things I've heard about this Jabba the Hutt, you'd probably short circuit." (C3PO)
5. "I assure you, Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can." (Jerjerrod) with reply "Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate
them." (Darth)
4. "Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping -- hold on. Grab it, almost...you almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me, Chewie.
Chewie!" (Han) with "A little higher, just a little higher." (Lando)
3. "Short help's better than no help at all." (Han)
2. "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one." (Han)
1. "Back door, huh? Good idea!"
You forgot one. I'm not sure which movie it was, but I believe Luke Skywalker said in one, "Pull Out, you can't do anymore good back
there, Biggs!"
TOP TEN REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
10. The lesbian party from downstairs is now at your door wanting to know if you will help them settle a bet.
9. You screwed up at work and are in the office of the foxy corporate big-tited bitch waiting for her to hand you your walking papers,
when she tells you to drop your pants and lay across her desk for your spanking.
8. As the jet your're in goes hopelessly out of control, the blonde bombshell to your right forgets herself, strips and hops on you for the
ride of your life. You both cum marvelously, just as the flight simulator ride comes to an end.
7. The doctor informs you that you have an incurable disease. That your once shrimpy penis will remain swollen and elongated for life.
6. The annoyance of the hotel maid barging into your room while you were still asleep, soon fades as she informs you that her cleaning
specialty consists of buffing helmets with her special slippery solution.
5. The total-babe female officer that just pulled you over for doing 90 in a school zone, tells you 30 days in jail, or a mutual long term
body cavity search, with donuts on the side.
4. You get smashed on the head and knocked overboard by the sailboat boom. Surviving rough seas and half drowned, you wash up on
the shore of an isolated island full of totally naked, horny as hell Sirens. By a simple twist of fate, the blow on the head has rendered
you deaf.
3. You are in the examining room awaiting your doctor for that dreaded proctol exam when the foxy nurse enters the room to handle the
exam herself. During the probing, your embarrassment is interrupted by her giving you a reach around.
2. On the way to your AA meeting you inadvertently stumble into the nymphomaniacs anonymous meeting. Unaware of where you are,
you wonder why the room full of beautiful women has suddenly fallen silent and why they are all grinning at each other and looking at
you.
1. The carload of young horny groupies just leaving a rock concert, mistakes you for the lead guitar player incognito. They impress upon
you their sole reason for existence is to hunt you down and fuck your brains out!
Top 10 Reasons Why E-Mail is Like a Male Reproductive Organ
10. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.
9. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.
8. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
7. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it (e-mail envy).
6. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.
5. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the
only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
4. If you don't apply the appropriate measures, it can spread viruses.
3. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
2. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
1. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.
