Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole
streets.
Pay for your dinner with pennies.
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's
roadmaps.
Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy
assasination/UFO/ OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?"
"What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
Light road flares on a birthday cake.
Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until
physically restrained.
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Finish the 99 green bottles song.
Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song.
Leave your indicator on for fifty miles.
Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your
chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and
repeat.
Name your dog "Dog".
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Ask people what gender they are.
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Lick the filling out of all the jammy Dodgers, and place the biscuit parts
back in the tray.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern
Drawl.
Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a
"good one".
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that
you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch
with a can of Glade Air Freshener.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains,
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being
first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that
people pronounce each A.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if
they slow down.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people
play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Ask to "interface" with someone.
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is
necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
Sing along at the opera.
Mow your lawn with scissors.
At a golf tournament, chant
"swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their
answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological
profiles".
Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't
cricket." Hmmm Geoff Boycott?
Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more
any moment.
Never make eye contact.
Never break eye contact.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your
ears.
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it,
announcing the results.
Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in an annoying
John Motson or Jimmy Hill voice.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.
